I'll Have History With A Side Of Swimming, But No Dance

......So I've been neglecting the blog. Ooops. But to be completely honest, I don't think I've ever had a busier semester. The classes I am taking are not that much harder than any of the other classes I've taken here (to tell you the truth, they might even be easier), but just as I suspected, writing a senior thesis is draining the life from my body. ....Okay, so that's a bit of a stretch, but only a bit.

I really want to do well on my thesis and so far I'd say it's coming along. But that also means that any free hour I have is spent working on my thesis and I basically have no free time left--weekday or weekend. I took off last Thursday night and Saturday night for hanging out with a friend/the campus Halloween Party (whooo!), but I really haven't had any time to just chill out and watch a movie or just do nothing. I'm like a hamster on a wheel...although much less fuzzy.

And now that I am back from October Break, it's time to start picking classes for next semester. Crazy, I know. FYI: Please don't remind me that this is the last time I get to fill in my little online sheet and constantly change my mind on courses and rearrange the order of the classes that are the most important for me to take--unless you want to make me cry. But on a more optimistic note, I'm pretty excited for my next selection of courses and I think that if everything goes according to plan, I can leave Vassar feeling fully satisfied.

One thing that I do not plan on taking again is dance. For the past three years, I have taken a dance course about every other semester. I took two course from modern dance, and right now I'm working on taking a jazz dance class. Actually, I take that back--I'm working on SURVIVING a jazz dance class. Why? Because I am the world's worst dancer. The title isn't exactly flattering, but trust me--I'd rather have that title than be forced to watch myself dance. When I was taking modern dance, I wasn't exactly good, but at least it wasn't painful to watch. But jazz dance on the other hand.... well, that's another story.

I'm a pretty athletic individual and I swam for six years between middle school and high school. But as soon as I step onto the dance floor, it looks as if I'm just learning how to walk as I stumble into what is supposed to be an arabesque but ends up looking like I tripped over an invisible staircase. I think most of the time the instructor tries to ignore me because if we spent the entire class going over what I did wrong, I don't think we'd get past the first exercise. Instead, she'll instruct those in the group who look like professionals in comparison as I sort of hobble along and make a sad attempt at what is supposed to be a dance move whenever I feel like it's safe to humiliate myself again.

Now, everyone has their on-days and their off-days, and you're all probably thinking that I just had an off-day today. But compared to the average person, my on-days are like off-days and my off-days are, well, extra-off if anything. It doesn't help my case that I had virtually no dance training as a child and my classmates seem like they've at least taken some form of classical dance. I'm pretty certain that the rugby player in my class decided to take it as a joke, but I end up making him look like John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever. When I walk into Kenyon Hall on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm not walking into my dance class, I’m walking into my own worst nightmare--where all eyes are on me as I trip over myself while trying to doing twirls across the room, saying as if I were Derek Zoolander: "I can't turn left!" What's even more humiliating is that my mom was a dance instructor at a studio in Cleveland when she was about my age, and performed shows at discos back when they were cool. But somehow I was born with two left feet and I have no idea where they came from; a recessive trait, perhaps? I'll never know for sure.

So right now you're probably thinking, "So why do you keep putting yourself through this if you think it's comparable to torture?" Good question. As a Vassar student, I guess I'm kind of masochistic by nature. But as myself... well, you could say I'm probably crazy.

Speaker In Lieu Of Midterm? Please?

October Break is next week, but you never get off easy around here before a break from classes. Oh no no. Between yesterday and today, I've studied for nearly 14 hours (almost) straight, but I still feel like I'm only going to "pass" my film midterm exam. Earlier in the semester I thought taking film was going to be a complete joke, but at this point my study guide indicates that I haven't really learned much--or paid attention in class, for that matter. After taking mostly classes that focus on theory for the past couple of years, memorizing dates, people, and concepts just isn't my thing anymore. Whoever it was that invented flashcards is my savior.

Thankfully, my exam is scheduled for noon tomorrow, so after that point I won't feel obligated to study--instead, I'll feel obligated to write a 4-5 page paper for my sociology class in lieu of a midterm exam. That really makes me feel special.

But no matter what happens tomorrow, John Amaechi is coming to give a lecture, and I am definitely going. In case you don't know who John Amaechi is, he's a former NBA star best known as a power forward for the Orlando Magic and the Utah Jazz. Now, I don't know anything about basketball, but John's story is pretty cool. In February he became the first NBA player to come out as gay, which was pretty groundbreaking. I learned about John Amaechi soon after he made his announcement, and at that time (as well as now) there were a lot of mixed feelings from players and fans about Amaechi's sexual orientation. Personally, I think his decision to come out was very honorable and proved for one--to put it bluntly--that gay men can play basketball. Not that that was the only thing that came out of his announcement, but you know what I mean. Anyways, I'm looking forward to seeing him speak tomorrow (as well as the free refreshments beforehand!).

We've had a lot of cool speakers during my three and some years here--to name a few: Tom Hanks, Tim O' Brien, Jeff Corwin (from Animal Planet!), Terry Gross, Ralph Nader, and Amy Goodman. But the real question is, Who is going to be my graduation speaker? I suggested Vaclav Havel, but I'm pretty certain that I'm the only student on campus who would be giddy about seeing the former president of the Czech Republic up at the podium, as my fellow classmates are sick with the welcome or unwelcome anticipation of receiving their diplomas. But what's more charming than a little Central European-style humor with a few "back in communist times..." stories on such a special day? Much to my disappointment, it seems to be unlikely scenario.

On the same token, it may be my missing the Czech Republic that has caused my recent sick obsession with anything and everything Czech. The other day I spent an hour looking online for anywhere that might sell or offer downloads of songs by the Plastic People of the Universe, only to find a minute and 30 second clip of a song that barely gave me the feel for any of their music. At that point, I think I felt a tear drop out of my right eye. Creepy, I know.

Interestingly enough, Vaclav Havel's favorite band is the Velvet Underground (who were the main influence of the PPU), and one of my bosses was married to a member of the band. When I told her about my obsession with Vaclav Havel, she said she could hook me up with one of his books, which practically had me drooling last week at work. I swear I'm not a stalker......

Sick (Literally) Of Summer

I must be some sort of control freak because whatever I can't control seems to get on my nerves. Take for instance the weather. In case you haven't noticed, I love to complain about the weather. The high for today is going to hover around ninety, and I know already that I'm going to complain about it all day long......and what I also know is that I'm going to be dying for this type of weather near the halfway point of winter. But for now, it's fall, and I wish the weather would behave itself.

But I'm not the only one looking forward to the change of seasons-the three trees in front of my TA honestly started changing colors overnight. [Sorry to disappoint you guys, but it looks like there are going to be at least a few more odd days until the cool weather is here to stay.]

The last day of summer is always kind of bittersweet. As much fun as it is to go swimming outdoors and wear flip-flops all the time (not that people don't mind frostbite on their toes in the winter, of course), you begin to look forward to a change from periods of infinitely many days worth of ninety plus weather. I can definitely say that I greeted fall with open arms this year. On the last night of summer, my friends and I lighted up my mini Weber grill and toasted marshmallows under what would have been the stars, had the night not been so cloudy.

It's crazy how fast senior year is going right now. I turned in a research paper proposal yesterday and my senior thesis proposal on Monday. Next week I have two short (as in five page) papers due, and my professors have already started talking about midterms in class. While I've learned a lot in my classes, I still kind of feel like the semester just started--every day and week seem to be divided up into moments I've spent in the library. Senior year is no joke, although it kind of seemed like it yesterday when I reached into my mailbox to find a couple small boxes of Nerds from the sociology majors committee, congratulating me on turning in my thesis proposal. Maybe by the time I turn in the first draft I'll have worked myself up to the "cupcake level." If I were a third grader that might be inspiring.

Just a couple of weeks left until October Break. I realize it's still early in the semester, but I'm in the mood for a break. Earlier in the week I became deathly ill (okay, I caught a cough and a cold....lame, I know) and I'm working on recovering at this point. Reading about Nazi Germany and racism in America isn't helping me feel any better, but my parents are visiting this weekend and bringing me cough syrup, so that should be good. If only they could bring me a couple more hours per day.... that would be worthwhile.

Books Are My Master

Quite miraculously, I think I managed to come up with a senior thesis topic. Even more miraculous? I think the topic might actually be good.

As the story goes, I was probably one of ten people who spent Saturday night in the library. Don't let the aspect of Saturday night in the library scare you-you know I definitely left at ten o' clock for a late night Stop & Shop run which eventually resulted in baking pumpkin pie-but sometimes it's kind of nice to chill out and go on book hunts instead of going completely haywire at some sort of Vassar concert. The best part is that you always feel like you did something productive after you leave, whether you actually did work or not. Don't believe me? Try it:

Cool Friend #1: Hey, where were you Saturday night?
Cool Friend #2: Yeah, seriously. There was a killer concert in Main featuring the Jimi Hendrix Experience and The Clash!
Me: Oh, I was in the library sleeping, I mean, SLAVING over books.
Cool Friend #1: Wow! You have so much motivation!
Cool Friend #2: I wish I could be you!

See? That's pretty much exactly how a conversation between my friends and me would go. By the way, The Clash actually did play at Vassar back in the day. No joke.

But Saturday was dedicated to finding a thesis topic. I had an idea of something I wanted to do along the lines of new media (such as the Internet, YouTube, Facebook, etc.) but I wasn't sure exactly what. Then, after leaving the library, I was talking to my friend about what a sociologist might write a thesis about when the words literally came out of my mouth, "Something like, I don't know, activism on the Internet...Wait a second... WHOA."

After researching the topic briefly, I realized that the topic had been researched just enough-not too much or too little for me to write about it. Now all I need is a 1-2 page summary of the topic, a projected outline and annotated bibliography for Monday.

T minus four days until my proposal is due-I'm in the clear.

Senior Freak Out...I Mean Thesis

As a senior, it's getting to the point where I have to face my biggest fear: my senior thesis. Contrary to popular belief, being a senior doesn't necessarily mean I can write a thesis, and somehow I'm expected to turn in a research proposal in exactly two weeks from today. Following a brief freak out session last week, I decided to pay a visit to my advisor and see what exactly I need to do for my thesis, and how far along in the process I should be at this point.

A senior thesis is a long paper written by seniors who majored in certain fields, such as sociology. In fact, I believe that a majority of students at Vassar will either write a senior thesis or create a senior project, depending on their major, during senior year. For example, out of my housemates, I am writing a senior thesis, my housemate who is a music major is performing a senior recital, and my housemate who is a media studies major is creating a senior project. Now don't get me wrong-the senior recital and senior project both require a great deal of work like the thesis-but personally I think the senior thesis sounds the scariest. Upon coming to college, I was so intimidated of the aspect of writing a senior thesis that I attempted to major in a field that didn't require one for graduation, such as psychology or political science. But my love for sociology foiled my plans, and I am now sitting here scared out of my mind.

First of all, I have a hard time getting it through my head that a senior thesis is just a really long paper. From what my advisor said, it's generally between 50 and 60 pages for sociology majors, but I should think of it as being more like four twelve page papers, considering the thesis will probably have four chapters. Okay, so maybe it really is just a long paper, but how can I think of it in those terms when it gets a title like, "senior thesis," which provides no indication of just being four papers. For me, that's very intimidating.

Second, how am I supposed to think of a topic that will interest me for an ENTIRE year? Personally, I think I'm a bit of a flake at most things that I do in the sense that I like a lot of things, and sometimes get really into things, but personally I have no real burning life passions that make me want to say, "Wow! I really wish I could spend a whole year writing about this!" No way Jose.

For me, the "SENIOR THESIS" was a BIG deal. But speaking to my advisor informed me that it's pretty much just like taking a class, but something that is sort of self-instructed (as if I have self discipline).

Here's the abbreviated version of our conversation:

Me: So about this senior thesis.... I hear the proposal is due on September 25th, but I have no idea what I'm doing!
My Advisor: That's okay. Most students have no idea what they are doing, and many of them will actually find a focus after they turn in the proposal.
Me: About the proposal.... can I write it up the week before, have you check it, and then fix it and turn it in on the 25th?
My Advisor: Huh... I suppose you could do that.... but I think a lot of times students write it the night before.
Me: Wow... I thought it was a really big deal?
My Advisor: Brooke, it's just a really big paper. Don't worry about it so much. If you're really worried, feel free to check out the sample theses in the Sociology office.

Wow! Sample theses?! I wonder if any of them are old enough that the professors in the sociology department wouldn't remember them being written.... Not that I would ever do that, of course.

But in all seriousness, creating a research project of my very own could be kind of cool-you know, the opportunity to conduct actual research and write up the results and say, "So THIS is what I found. Aren't I soooooo awesome?" Okay, obviously I wouldn't say that, but you get the point.

Now, to find a topic.....

Showered With Chocolate

The past weekend featured one of the biggest events of the year--the welcoming of a new Vassar class! And of course, just like every year, I got all nostalgic, teared up a little, and caused my friends to say, "Seriously, what's wrong with you? It's just a new batch of freshmen," which reminds me all over again that I'm graduating. Ugh.

But this being my last year of freshmen move in, I decided to make it a good one and take advantage of my favorite thing about special events on campus--the mountains upon mountains of free food (are we seeing a pattern here?). By videographing the experience for College Relations, I was able to take advantage of even the special access free food with the help of my official College Relations name tag, which further assured my lack of need for dinner that evening. To quote the student photographer I was working with that day, "It's one of the perks of the job."

I showered my campus patrol friends with free chocolate bars and thanked them for keeping the campus safe on move in day, then continued reliving my own freshman move in experience by relaxing in the shade with my video camera as my fellow students sweated beneath the weight of all of their worldly possessions. Ahh, the memories.

I remember moving in myself, although most of it is a blur. Current Vassar students help the freshman move in and find their rooms, as I volunteered to do my sophomore year. From what I remember, my family had barely opened the trunk of our antique, retro yellow station wagon after we pulled into the Cushing parking lot when suddenly all of my prized possessions had vanished. At the time I was kind of freaked out because it had happened so fast, but when I had to move in everything myself the next year, I realized exactly how hard it is to move in yourself, especially when you have no idea where you are. It's nice to have a few extra hands to help out, but unfortunately freshman year was the only time I had the priviledge.

During the tail end of my senior year of high school (at the point when my senioritis could have rivaled the plague), I met another prospective student over the Internet via the Vassar message boards (Facebook didn't exist at the time--which I know is hard to imagine). He thought I was french through my message board name, La Belle Dame Sans Merci (I'm not), but it didn't matter--we kind of hit it off through our mutual sense of humor and love of shredding metal, and I most likely spent all of my free time and most of what should have been my study time talking to him online about how awesome Vassar would be. As my point of departure from home neared, I wasn't sure if my Internet friendship could exist outside of cyberspace, until I found out we would be living six doors away from each other in the same hall. Talk about bizarre.

Together, we managed to form our own group of friends with other student fellow group misfits, nicknaming this group "The Posse." Together, we skipped scheduled orientation events, roamed around campus in disoriented packs, scarfed down copius amounts of food from the campus dining hall and talked smack about other dorms--all while the other new students were going to cool off-campus parties. Yeah, we were lame. As a matter of fact, we still are as we've managed to remain friends to this day.

The Saga Begins

Quite possibly, the question I most frequently ask myself is, "What do I want to do with my life?" For years, I've tried to figure it out myself. When I was in high school, I entered the school's pre-med program thinking that "I'm a smart person. Maybe I should be a doctor." Then I found out that I don't possess a lot of skills that doctors possess, such as people skills. And "looking at blood" skills. Eww. And knowing me, I'd be the doctor with a really twisted sense of humor who accidentally makes a joke about false teeth while roaming around in the geriatric department; needless to say, medicine was ruled out pretty quickly.

Since then I've explored everything from law to scientific research, then somehow landed in College Relations here at Vassar. While I enjoy many aspects of my job here, I've learned that I'm not exactly skilled when it comes to general office tasks. Even with 7 months of work experience, I still can't properly answer a phone and frequently get in fights with the copy machine. And as I frequently repeat at the expense of my fellow student workers, "I wasn't cut out for this life. Sigh."

After summer internships in journalism, television writing, and, finally, blogging, I'm starting to get a sense of what I like, but barely. You'd think that by being myself I'd know myself, but somehow other people tend to know me better than I do--if that makes any sense. By taking the advice of a few alum friends who recommended the Vassar Career Development Office (and also happen to have jobs), last week I finally admitted defeat and decided to give it a shot.

The nice lady who works at the Career Development Office (or CDO) desk set me up for an appointment that actually occurred this week. In order to prepare, I had to fill out a yellow form stating my problem, interests, thoughts about the future, and barriers in my future planning. I wasn't quite sure what the answers to these questions were so I had to ask for help, which kind of made me feel like I was cheating on a test. "Psst, [Inserts friend's name here], what's the answer to number four?" "Only you know that," said my boyfriend in an annoyed voice. Eventually, I came up with a few answers, a couple of my interests being ukulele, the food network, and kayaking-none of which seemed very career related, unless somehow I could make a living as a ukulele-playing kayaker with a cooking show, but I'm pretty sure there's no market for that yet.

As soon as I entered my career counselors office, it was as if I had suddenly developed amnesia. I had no idea why I was there (the same type of confusion I experienced before taking the SAT) or what my questions were, which is exactly what she wanted to know. I spat out a really general answer, something along the lines of, "I don't know where to start," to which she said, "How about with your major?"

To be honest, I don't know what I like about Sociology, which is exactly what I told her. It just seemed right to me, which is the way most things are. I can't define my interests on paper, but I can tell what feels natural.

Like classes, for instance. Trying a different approach to pinpoint my interests, she asks, "Can you name your favorite classes at Vassar?"

I knew this question wouldn't be the answer to my problem, mainly because my favorite classes have all been so different. As far as my top three go, I'd have to say my German Studies freshman course called "Vampires, Lunatics, and Cyborgs," Relativity (a physics course), and Drugs, Culture, and Society (compliments of the Sociology department-> highly recommended!). Liberal Arts school-1; CDO-0.

Now, I don't know if this is true or if she was just trying to make me feel better about myself, but she said my issue was common and most people don't know what they want to do with the rest of their lives when they're in college. (Which maybe explains why my three best friends know exactly what they want to pursue? For the sake of my nerves, I'll assume I have some really odd friends.)

My counselor directed me to a few websites provided by the CDO giving career advice and information. One of them is called "Vault," which is a really helpful website in terms of information about fields and matching careers with personality types. Unfortunately, every time I saw a career that seemed to fit my personality type, I also saw that these careers were not for people with traits such as "disorganized" or "procrastinator," which pretty much rules them out.

Another service offered by the CDO that I'm curious to try is called V-Net. V-Net is a networking tool (hence the name) that students can use to get in touch with Alums who have volunteered to act as career mentors. For example, you can search for someone in a specific place, field, or, who graduated with the same degree that you are pursuing, then find out what they do now and contact them. By contacting them, they will hopefully answer questions about their field and encourage networking with other people in the field that interests you. As my career counselor said, it's not uncommon for students to find a job through V-Net with mentors they find online-that is, if the career interests you.

I'm scheduled to take a personality test next week, which sounds really interesting (if they can give me any answers, I'll assume they use magic), as well as a follow up meeting with a careers counselor, who will be able to give me more information and guidance based on my answers from the personality test.

I haven't made too much progress in my career search yet, but maybe with some luck (and perhaps a bit of fairy dust) I'll be able to name some career relevant interests by the time I graduate.... then all I need to do is find a job.