The Gnat Attack: Just Another Vassar Bug....

Yesterday was a pretty nice day. I went running with a friend on the cross-country trail behind the Vassar golf course for what seemed like an eternity and then collapsed on the sofa in my room until I could stand again. Then, taking my reading outside, I laid under the giant tree on the library lawn for several hours. Later, I browsed through the Loeb Art Center looking for recent acquisitions, and then wrapped a present to send to my parents (that I'd been thinking about sending for at least the past month). But that night, right as I was getting ready for bed, all hell broke loose. I had discovered a giant swarm of gnats living on my ceiling.

There was nothing I could do and no one I could call. My parents were definitely asleep, and it was doubtful they could give me too much advice on gnats. Pat could have at least made me feel better about the situation but he's currently working as a camp counselor and I have no idea whether I'm allowed to call him. Two of my good friends are currently in England and another had spent the whole day moving to Cincinnati and was probably too tired to care about my stupid bug problem. But who knows what those things eat? There were at least a hundred swarming around above my lamps, attracted to the light. I envisioned them as being from an Alfred Hitchcock movie like The Birds, except this time it was The Gnats. Certain that they would attack me in my sleep, it was time for a plan of action. But what?

For once, Wikipedia actually had little to offer on the subject. Three paragraphs on gnats told me nothing other than that they are related to mosquitoes, and all I know about mosquitoes is that they feed on human flesh. At this point I was not too keen on sleeping with hundreds of them.

I left my room immediately, taking my laptop, and camped out in the hallway to think of a plan, thankful that the Vassar campus is now completely wireless (phew). And while talking to a friend online, it hit me. The gnats were attracted to the light, so if I turned off the light, maybe they would leave my room and invade the well-lit hallway instead. It was worth a try. Gathering up my desk lamp while holding my breath and closing my eyes, I took it into the hallway and plugged it in. The lamp better lit the hallway and left my room pitch black, which was exactly the effect I was going for. I took off the lamp shade, hoping that the eye-blinding white light would lead them out of my room and convince them establish a new home in the fifth floor hallway. I got a pair of sunglasses from my room in hopes of watching the action without going blind.

There had never been a sketchier sight. I was sitting alone in the hallway with my computer, next to a ridiculously bright desk lamp without a shade while wearing a giant pair of black sunglasses. And no one else on my floor had any clue as to what the problem was. No one asked questions. I'm sure that by now the entire fifth floor is convinced that I'm a total creepster, but whatever. It's worth it if it means getting rid of bugs.

In my three whole years at Vassar, I've never had a bug problem before. Not that it's exactly common to have bugs in your room, but we are in the Hudson Valley and things do live here. Lots of pretty things live here, like white tail deer, rabbits, wild turkeys and woodchucks (yesterday alone I saw a fawn, goslings, and baby rabbits and baby woodchucks) and because of that I feel happy about choosing a school with lots of wildlife, but I still can't get over the whole bugs thing.

There is one bug on campus that has been dubbed a "Vassar bug" by most students, faculty, and staff, but they're actually called House Centipedes. Luckily, I've never had a personal run-in with a House Centipede. They seem relatively harmless, but they're probably the creepiest looking insects around here. Whatever you do, don't do a google image search-unless you want to experience real fear.

One of my friends was lucky enough to see a so-called "Vassar bug" crawl into his pants right before he was going to put them on. Since then, he shakes out all of his clothes before wearing them. I've started doing it too.

When I woke up in this morning, the remaining gnats had died all over my clean dishes. It was pretty gross, but I suppose it could have been worse if most of them hadn't left my room. I think Vassar's Building and Grounds service will help me take care of my gnat problem, but before I give them a call I think I'll need to clean my room. It's become kind of an embarrassment. The New York Times did say that the most creative thinkers are the ones with the messiest desks, but I think I've gone overboard on pleading creativity.